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taverns i no longer explore.
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| yellow is the color. |
[26 Sep 2003|02:37pm] |
don't you know, it's those catchy phrases she uses to seduse you?.
& in those phrases and words you'll stay.
wallow in moth ridden rooms.
white & blank.
lessen the sparks of adolecense.
learn to make new friends by replacing the others.
and leave it at that.
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| i can't do a wheelie, i can't touch the ceiling. |
[12 Jul 2003|02:12pm] |
i can't seem to get out of this flip flop season / extensive heat wave.
dry heaving like it would do one of us some good, so we won't be at the utter lack of the rest of the afternoon.
going outside makes no sense.
until we find a swimming pool to soak in.
underwear bathing suits / cool nights in washington / raccoon forever / hot tub / his clumsy chords.
i'm trying hard to not say what i mean.
so we don't get hurt in the corners, where it really fucking hurts.
i found what i lost before.
may 12, you belonged to me again.
now you'll belong to me forever.
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| brains photogenic imagination of what was / what should be / what will be. |
[09 Jul 2003|01:12pm] |
grassy fields, milky forever, cat stevens resting solumnly along our car compact.
twenty class a cigarettes made for two bodies on the earth to breathe the harsh air.
all about sharing everything / anything.
two person beds made for two [there is never any use for one body to be less occupied]
love sticking like glue, mangums sing about it, you were right.
i have found what i have been missing.
the freedom of life.
i died in march, last year.
i stayed alive & i found you.
now there won't be a reason to say we felt lost.
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| self serve gas station scenerios. |
[09 Jul 2003|02:42am] |
male:opens door for female.
female:unlocks door for male.
cigarette swap & exchange.
across the street neighbors doin' the inhale / exhale stance.
leg strap.
cock grip.
cuming / cuming/ came.
shower strain, eyelids closed, open mouth movement.
words pouring out.
i love you.
please stick.
stuck.
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| the aftermath of a soiled existance. |
[04 Jul 2003|05:10pm] |
each layer of mountain is another montage of the reflection set across the ocean. i held your hand here, as if holding on for dear life, as the air pushed more waves to the current, letting sand lay over our warm flesh.
in all of the light, the heat, the waves, i wanted to press myself amongst the mountains to feel the pulse of life circulate me once again. but, the air fulfilled my skin eagerly as i threw my arms out to welcome it in all of it's purity.
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| sub-side. |
[11 Jun 2003|04:37am] |
we're in the time zone where the hours convert into seconds.
my stomache is flipping with the notion of a familiar face.
(one which i might not handle seeing)
just in case we forget.
we loved it here.
before we knew what love was.
between us.
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| on the road part 3 & 4. |
[05 Jun 2003|05:44pm] |
-from now on keep the windows up & the heater on full blast.
i think i am sick with the thought of leaving you california.
i had you once, now i will have you forever.
PART 4.
we got lost on the North 5, but found the same city lights strangled inbetween independant pom trees.
i rested my head along side the window and tried to suck in as much air as i could.
you're out there somewhere exhaling.
it felt good to sit & lay on your rusty colour carpet & bat my eyes trying to figure ou if you were real or nt.
but, you were under the circumstances that we are both human beings waiting for the stretch of life to persuade us in the cover ups of what is pure and what is artificial.
i love you truly the second the car drove onto your street and i saw you in motion.
"i want to just lay here with you forever".
-you will as long as you remember we had been lying there once before.
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| one the road part 2. / always my bad, & never my good. |
[05 Jun 2003|05:41pm] |
when we had rushed into san diego i couldn't figure out what i was doing there, who i was, or what the fuck was snapping into my chest.
it could have just been sixth street or south 15.
but, whatever it was i knew i had to get out of there.
- i slept for two hours and felt like i was going to be sick.
& i anonymously hated you for not letting me smoke, even more so by trying to drag me into mexico where i NEVER IN MY LIFE have wanted to go.
and for not completely understanding the way i felt when i got back in the car after saying goodbye.
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| on the road / the only one who feels hurt now, is me. |
[05 Jun 2003|05:35pm] |
open space train tracks.
valley blvd openinings sent my heart springing in cool air/
california rain & open mouth kisses.
our insecure notion slept back on a balance beam and i felt more at home with you then anyone before.
i shook so hard.
but, i couldn't tell the difference if i was cold, or you were freezing.
you warmed me in an amount of hand on arm rubbing, and set me at ease with the thought that.
we might always be this way.
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| through lengthy talks i'll not contain you. |
[03 Jun 2003|12:27am] |
if i could.
i would live in a chipped painted house.
in the middle of nowhere.
with a rustic coloured bunny in my backyard.
my bed springs loose.
(the strings attached to my heart cut off)
my finger nails dirty.
my face clean.
but, i'd probably still be dreaming of the same things that i am now.
a blueberry field on fire.
polar bears & penguins in the winter.
not being a total loss.
or a recluse.
and having a lover to sleep where i sleep.
but, my sheets are still warm enough by myself.
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| space inbetween. |
[01 Jun 2003|08:20pm] |
we spent six hours in a car.
dancing & poundering about one another.
until we were completely empty/filled.
i like to remind myself of that afternoon.
when your mother seemed to make me feel at ease.
and your sister smoked her first cigarette, but hadn't inhaled.
and we sat in the back.
huffing&puffing.
talking about the boys who were going to talk loudly about us, yet pretend to be quietly about us.
he touched you in a place, i never could.
your soft spot.
he loved me in a place that was so foreign to me.
yet, so obvious in the fact.
that we were ending.
where the beginning of you&i had started.
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| where the dead sea use to be. |
[30 May 2003|01:26pm] |
i've lost my lack.
due to the recovered space of connection&ballon strings.
i'm feeling much better, and my stomache agrees.
that it's been a long time since.
i have woken up and felt like i could make it through the day.
without feeling like i'm lost, or feeling like i'm dying.
because, there is life here.
i just couldn't see it.
before you came into my life.
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| i'm well on my way to be repaired. |
[27 May 2003|06:30pm] |
i want to find myself by our riverside.
my legs in the grass meadow.
sipping on the cold water through a straw.
placing my hands through your hair.
shoulder side kissing.
rolling in the street.
two hour waits never felt so good.
to think about.
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| finding myself in rest. |
[26 May 2003|04:55pm] |
i couldn't find myself comforted in the white wash over bliss of the evening.
-or the afternoon.
so, i found myself in the cleansing of phil elvrum.
waiting for your simplistic cover up of missing me.
but, i couldn't help but think of.
what the air would taste like in australia.
or how well a kite would fly in the billowing air.
what my feet would feel like.
wet & dry.
on the sheets of your ever so comforting bed.
or.
waking up with the sun stretching my eye lids into the recovering bliss of:
a foreign country.
&.
and foreign state of mind.
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| paper plates. |
[25 May 2003|01:20pm] |
talking short to long distance is all i really want to do.
i want to lay about the grass.
i want to still be sleeping, but hear your voice.
under-tones, under-tones.
i'm at a lack with sharing what i'm feeling.
but.
it's all good.
fill me / and i won't make you empty.
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| the ballad of the bad day you took out on me. |
[23 May 2003|09:47pm] |
i wish i could leave my mark in every state i leave, or go back to. like my life was this involintary ring wrapped around highways, and desert heat.
this could only reflect on my purge on life. i wanted to be able to breathe in pure white cloud, soothing endeavour with only one component : MYSELF.
which is what i never lost track of. but, what i had lost was distance. miles and miles of heart beats that weren't even valuable.
we're all a memory on the shelf, in someones fake perspective of love.
because, i felt you all behind my back, SKIN ON SKIN, licking the cleavage of another naturistic afternoon of wind, rain, snow and whatever have you.
wishing and wanting the physical nostalgia of me. sara taylor.
the girl who doesn't know the half of you, really.
and who.
might.
never.
truelly.
want.
to.
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| i am lady bug season. |
[22 May 2003|12:53pm] |
the sun shines brightly over the tan semi-freckled faces of the two boys down the street, and everything that surrounds them just seems to be completely beautiful.
it has been far too long to remember what being a child was like. so, i watch every movement they make while their tiny hands fumble about the sky, reaching for the insects of season.
i feel a great importance in all of the small twitches and remarks that make absolutel no sense at all, but only for the purpose of purity. i want to reach my hands out with them, like it would do me some fucking good, and feel liquified in the tender cooling of afternoon air, and feel my skin burning from the stretching sun rays.
right now, i fel likei was no longer drowning in the tide, but i had mearly been floating along the crust of the sea that has been the only thing over-baring my thinking.
WHERE AM I?.
i don't really think anyone knows.
i swallowed their laughter and went back for seconds.
for some reason, i feel still, and silent. and the only thing i can hear is the grass scattering across my legs and their hearts beating tenderly against their chests, just in wait for another day when they can play with the air orniments and hum the tunes of the songs on the radio.
and everything is small, and equivalent to the minutes pasing.
WE'RE ALL, drenched in the milky logic of the days...
COMING/ AND / GOING.
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| off key. |
[23 Apr 2003|09:09am] |
i watched as the moon became pregnant with light.
i thought, "oh mercy me, i know of one boy who is normal in simplicity", and all the others are just.
nerves in the system waiting to pounce on groins and burn me into the frying pan.
(rather then melt me like butter.)
i soaked up the night air like a sponge.
you pressed hard against me and it happened.
i spilled.
i cried for a split second.
swallowed.
and let my throat release.
felt my forhead burning.
tried to remember to forget.
remember.
plus minus sequels.
the fact that you could fill in a void.
or you could shit on the one i already have.
i wish i wasn't a female half of the time.
because, obviously i'm goddamned.
for believing that there's one decent individual out there.
other then you.
or maybe it's because we're exactly alike that fits my complexity.
or maybe it's just plain true.
and in all of this i say.
i'll.
be.
goddamned.
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| JACK me off. |
[18 Apr 2003|02:38pm] |
i don't know you.
but, i'd love to.
i'd love to place your utencils in order.
in the morning.
when the sun is pearing through vines.
we'd squint our eyes and shut the blinds.
i'd like to kiss you before i close my eyes for sleep.
i'd like to hear you say anything other then.
how are you.
i'm fine.
thanks.
and walk off.
that's the hardest thing.
feeling the distance between our bodies SWELL.
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